nazi dos

I woke up thirty minutes ago and can't stop thinking about how much I fucked up and I can't BELIEVE I actually bought Paul's line that he wasn't just after the affection. Well apparently that was a whole big line because he never texted me back.[ not so shocked face]. I honestly thought that maybe he would be better than that but I guess not. Tomorrow I am taking Mrs. Beren's advice and telling him " Paul, I am not trying to be in a relationship with you. Wednesday night I was just trying to do something out of the norm for me ... I just had no idea that you would start acting so strange. This whole doesn't make me look half as bad as it makes you look since you told me that I could trust you and now you are acting like the stereotypical asshole." Now I am starting to realize that Kole was probably just joking when he said that Paul wanted me yesterday during play practice ...... and when Paul said good bye to me he probably just did it because that ass thinks I like him ..... I mean I liked him enough to make out with him from 6:00-9:30 but JESUS those few hours of hormone bliss is so not worth the after math. When Matt gets home for the holidays I probably shouldn't see him, if I saw him I'd probably tell him, which would make him feel awkward. I guess right now all I want him to tell me it was just a foolish momentary relapse of judegment and not to worry about it, I want him to reassure me that not all boys are just in it so they can tell everyone and just feel good for a couple hours. But if I did tell Matt he would probably just be like "oh okay ..." I DO NOT UNDERSTAND BOYS !! Now I can't wait for school, I can't wait to tell Paul off. God it will feel so good to just tell him what is on my mind ..... I can't believe that I actually thought that there was a chance that him and I would start something, and when I say something I thought that we'd just make out with each other every couple of weeks. but no, he had to go and make this whole thing a mistake. I guess I should feel grateful that he hasn't tried making me sound like a slut (please tell me that isn't coming tomorrow).


Well Ladies and Gentlemen, when I get home from school hopefully I will have the pleasure of writing down that I told Paul off and it made him feel like shit.